By Nick Ashooh
Can we stop this madness already? We get the same two arguments every year, and it's overcomplicated one of the most basic things we have; the hot dog.
No, it's not a sandwich, because when you buy a pack in the store, you still say you're "buying hot dogs" even when they're not in the bun yet.
Yes, you can put ketchup, or relish, or mustard, or whatever the hell else you want on it. Stop trying to make the hot dog a sacred delicacy.
We need to stop defending the honor of the hot dog and topping shaming people. It's meat scraps, or terrible cuts of meat, stuffed in a tube. It's not Filet Mignon.
Enjoy the damn thing however you want.
For the record, I love hot dogs, I'm not one of those "hate fun things" type of people. But the topping shaming is getting as bad as tip shaming today.
I will say though, things like a brat should only have spicy mustard, so I can stay on board with that side of things there. Also, If you want to put ketchup on a great steak, you should have objects thrown at you.
Arguing that a hot dog "should only have mustard" though, is like getting angry at someone for putting fuzzy dice or a hula dancer in their Ford Pinto. It's not a Ferrari, do whatever the hell you want with it.
Have you seen all the crazy things you can do with a hot dog? The ideas are endless. Don't let yourself be held back by closed-minded people. Free yourself from hot dog oppression.
Think when people make "the best burger you ever had". Does it ever involve ONE condiment? Hell no, that thing has onions, spices, cheese, sauces dripping off the side, a great bun, and maybe even an egg. Burgers are already superior to the hot dog, and that world has accepted creativity. It's time the world of hot dog purists opened their eyes to it's potential.
Don't let people guilt you into eating a boring one. Cover that thing in relish, ketchup, spicy mustard, chili, cheese, whatever your heart desires.
No mayo though, that's disgusting.
The hot dog isn't meant to be a delicacy, it's meant to be slathered in a ton of unhealthy stuff that tastes great.
Don't let boring sheep ruin your fun, make the hot dog your canvas.